--LET’S MAKE EACH OTHER MORE BEAUTIFUL

 

 

 

This Evening
 

I’m still yours this evening.

There’s time for anything, really.

We could sweat and mush

our sweat against our slick

skins until our names disappear,

until the two of us

weave into one

while the moon pokes its silver

head through our toes.

I’m still yours this evening

and I like hearing you

say my name,

but really, I like saying yours,

the way I am now,

sitting on this gnarled

log in the dark,

facing three hills that look like

giant Hershey’s Kisses

waiting to be unwrapped

and devoured.

I’m still yours this evening

and I’m saying your name

and invisible night birds

are saying your name

and the hills and stars and

all earth is saying it, too.

We’re all saying it,

with arms open and chins tucked,

patiently wondering

where you are.

 

--HEY LITTLE BUG, COME HERE AND GIVE ME A HUG

Happy Enough

You took my pulse and told me, “If it was any lower you’d be dead.”

We sat in the waiting area, just us, ignoring the milk-colored marble floor tiles and the mahogany walls.

You said, “Dead men tell no tales,” and winked, with a mint julep sparkle in your celadon eyes, so sassy and sure.

You opened a can somehow, with what I don’t know, plopping out olives, sticking them on the ends of your fingertips before biting them off with your mouth and chewing.  Instead of swallowing, you stretched out your jaw, revealing a disgusting mush of slime while pointing at the mess with both forefingers in some kind of epileptic gang member sign.

“What?” I asked.

“See food,” you gurgled, saliva streaking down your cheek.  “Get it?  Seefood?”

I laughed a little because it was so dumb, because you were so silly and trying so hard.

You said, “Let’s try this for as long as we can, see if we go blind or not,” and crossed your eyes which made you appear scary, then, after a while, just a little nuts.

You said, “You’re gonna have to work harder if you’re gonna make it.”

You said, “Some of the best games are the ones you don’t buy at the store,” and curled your forefinger over the side of your thumb in the shape of a mouth and went, “Gabba gabba, hey! Let’s have some fun today!  Whaddaya think?”

You were a stage show.  Puppet master. Ventriloquist.  An odd anagram, but the very distraction I needed.

In those minutes and hours, you taught me how to snap my fingers, how to curl my tongue, make my earlobe twitch.  You taught me how to whistle.   You told me puberty was untrustworthy, but, “Do some research beforehand.   Get it?”

I didn’t.

After so long, you looked at the courtroom door and then I did, too, and when my eyes got misty you gave my thigh a sharp pinch but winked again.

“Motherfucker, toughen up,” you said.

I’d never heard that word.  It felt like a bolt, like some kind of freedom.

“It’s important,” you said.  “Really, I’m not even fucking kidding.”

You told me, “I bet he picks you and she picks me, but we’ll still see each other on holidays.”

You said, “Lots of kids have divorced parents, but most of them seem happy enough.”

When the door finally opened, you grabbed my hand and squeezed it, saying, “Go on now.  Smile wide.  Now’s the time, if ever there was one.”

I watched you falsely glow.

But because you were my big sister, because you were my best friend, I did what you wanted.

I sat bolt upright, at attention, and I smiled like I never had.

 

 

 

 

 

--HELLO, IT’S ME

 

…There must be a million times when I wonder how an airplane can possibly lift off into the air, and another million times when I wonder why the wings don’t break off.

…It doesn’t matter why a thing works, so long as it does.

…I have friends, but turbulence isn’t one of them.

…Sometimes when I’m looking at the moon, I wonder how many other people are gazing up at it at the same time.  Especially when the moon is full and brooding.  Especially then.

…The moon sure gets a lot of air time here.  I'm not sure why that is.

…Someone told me that vanishing is just another way of not wanting to be loved.  But I don’t know.  Maybe it’s the opposite of that.

…Either you’re there, or you aren’t.  There’s no close.  Someone also told me that.

…I’ve checked and nothing’s happening anywhere else right now.

…The calm before the storm is really just the foundation of life.

…Children like me, even the children of strangers.  It’s true, they do.  Really.  I can make them smile fairly easily.  I can usually make them giggle in less than a minute.  So that’s something I have going for myself.

…The end of the world can be cozy at times.  It’s distance that’s the problem.

…Most people’s relationship with windows is clear.  Mine’s a little muddy.  But does that mean I don't want a clear view myself?

…We’re all older now, but most of us are still running against the wind.

…If somebody tells you the same thing twice, it usually means they’re not sure.  Three times, well…

…My problem is I’m selfish at all the wrong moments.  My problem is being selfish at all.  I’m not proud of that.

…In it for a penny, in it for a pound.

…So quiet you can hear a pin drop.  Yep.  That’s what it’s like right now, at this very moment, in this very place.

…If it was easy, everyone would do it.  That’s one of the sagest things my father said to me.  I think about that a lot when I’m struggling with something.

…What I learned running the race on Sunday with my brother, who is much faster than me, is that certain people, in certain situations, can make you perform at a level you didn’t think possible.  However, it doesn’t always mean that’s enjoyable.

…Nobody knows what’s coming.  Even palm readers get it wrong most times.  Even the Mayans did.  Certainly the weathermen do.  So what makes us so smart, so sure?

…One of my favorite movies is “Big Fish.”  There are a few scenes where different kids go up the spooky fortune teller lady (played by Helena Bonham Carter) and when they look into her eye, they see the future, or rather, how they will die in the future.  I don’t think that’s anything I’d want to see.

…Supposedly people with a missing limb often forget it’s not there and will involuntarily scratch at the open air where the limb once was.  That’s sort of like me when my dog’s not here.  I keep looking down, looking around, searching out her bright, brown eyes.  I’ll admit, I'm a bit crippled by her absence.

…It’s amazing how someone can transform your mood with a genuine smile shot your way for no particular reason at all.  In that way, it’s a bit of magic.  And in a way, then, we’re all magicians, whether we realize it or not.

…Whether child or adult, one of the best things someone call tell you is, “I love you to the moon…and back.”

..To be missed greatly while still alive, now that’s something.

…For everything, there is a season.  A time to live, a time to die.  A time to laugh, a time to cry.  A time to do the Bunny Hop in your underwear.  I mean, why not?

 

...People should smile more.  That's from Newton Faulkner. 

...I think Newton should be the next Dalai Lama.  Can I get an, "Amen?" 

 ...It wasn't until about 12 years ago that I learned 'Amen' meant, 'So be it'.  You probably knew that long ago, but I didn't.
 

...Tomorrow the sun's going come up, I just know it.

…Life is beautiful.  I still believe that.

 

 

 

 

 

--YOU CAN’T UNSEE IT WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE THAT

 …In a couple of hours, I’m headed to the great state of Kansas, a place I’ve never been.  Gonna run a little race on Sunday.  Gonna hang with my big brother who lives there.  Probably gonna see some corn fields, or dried up ones.  Gonna read some, write some.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and here are some things I like on Friday…

“Perhaps we should love each other so fiercely that when others see us they’ll know exactly how it’s done.” –Rudy Francisco

"When nothing is sure, everything is possible."- Margaret Drabble

 "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."- Albert Camus

"To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life."- T. S. Eliot

“I think the American Dream is everybody’s dream.” Ralph Lauren

"If you just keep playing, keep believing and have some faith, something good can happen."- Washington Redskins coach Norv Turner, whose team became only the second in NFL history to win six games after losing the first seven games of the year.

"Doctors and scientists said that breaking the four-minute mile was impossible, that one would die in the attempt. Thus, when I got up from the track after collapsing at the finish line, I figured I was dead."- Roger Bannister, In 1952 after breaking the four minute mile (1929)

"All big things in this world are done by people who are naive and have an idea that is obviously impossible."- Dr. Frank Richards

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about."- Charles Kingsley

"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life."- Robert Louis Stevenson

--MY HEART IS A POOR JUDGE

 

 

In the Distance

 

I can see you in the distance

between the pregnant moon and

last lonely hill.

Every star owns me tonight

so my shame will have to wait

until morning.

And who knew the ants and flies

could do without sleep,

busy husks landing everywhere

but my pupils as if

I am a corpse or carcass

rotting in the New Mexico night.

Yet I can still breathe and

I can see you in the distance.

You’re skipping on a beach,

the sun is your best friend,

our daughter’s still alive,

we’re still married and

you have never looked more lovely.

I can see you in the distance

where you live now,

where you always are now,

finally happy, finally healed.

 

 

--BOY, WHEN YOU’RE THROUGH, YOU’RE THROUGH.                                          NOBODY ARGUES THE POINT LIKE YOU…

 

...Just quit your crying--it’s a sign of the times. 

…Tell me something I don’t already know.

…Some days you don’t stop crying, but the sun’s still going to show up.

…You know what they say: Control what you can control.  Let the rest fall off your shoulders.

…Me, I finally found something I’m good at.

…Sometimes you need to paint the corners.

…I think squirrels are my third favorite animal.  I see so many of them when I run.  They’re so quick and cute, lithe and sort of coiled as they float across the road.  The different colors in their tails are almost fluorescent if you look closely, if they’ll slow down enough to let you look.  Black squirrels are a bit menacing, but they’re also fascinating.  Someday, maybe I’ll see a flying squirrel.  That would be something.

…It’s tricky, always trying to outrun the bullets.  Eventually, one’s going to get lodged in your teeth.  It’s just the way it is.  And it’s quite uncomfortable.

…Comfortable silence is overrated.

…I understand I’m just talking to the walls and they aren’t listening, but, hey, what’re you gonna do?

…Have you been to the doctor lately?

…We don’t talk enough.  Maybe that’s the issue.  I mean, gestures can only do so much, right?

…If you were honest, you’d admit that this is what you wanted all along.

…It’s so easy for you.  I’m jealous, and I’m not usually the jealous type.

…Everything is easier when there’s a little scorn involved.

…It’s probably not my place, but I’m going to say it anyway: blue looks good on the sky, but it ain’t your color.

…You still look pretty good from here.

…At a restaurant the other day, two toddlers started giggling and couldn’t stop.  It was pretty hilarious.  It sounded like something I used to feel.

…You can’t bribe the door on the way to the sky, but you can still try.

…I broke a finger knocking on the door.

…I think my shadow is stalking me.  It’s there every time I turn around.

…How the backstory is delivered is sometimes more important than the action or plot.  Backstory is a water-logged bag of sand that’s hard to hold for more than a few minutes.  It’s the burden you don’t know what to do with.

…For me, reading is often times like trying to find new clues.

…We’re all dead kids, but we have to kick it to the curb.

…Sometimes it feels like I’m texting myself.

…Sometimes it’s smart to channel your inner child, and sometimes it’s smart to bury it.

…The Book of Love is long and boring.

…Now that’s funny.

 

 

--I DON’T KNOW HOW NOT TO…

 

                                                     On Top of the World

My sister didn’t die.  She wasn’t strangled and left for dead in the woods as the news reported.

Instead, she left this world at age seven.  She jumped on a hot air balloon that was different than other hot air balloons.  This one took her outside the atmosphere and my sister got to visit the planets and stars close up, the ones that had brought her so much wonder from afar. 

            But now, floating in the hot air balloon, Sis window-shopped, taking her time with each one and especially Pluto who had recently been kicked out of the Big Boy Planet Club.  She told Pluto her best jokes, trying to cheer Pluto up.  She hummed and sang old ‘70s songs.  She tickled the scruff of his gray-white chin until Pluto gave in and started giggling causing the other celestial bodies to convulse with similar glee so that we on earth became the recipients of all that shimmer and light over our heads.

            My sister caused this.  Just ask Pluto or Mars or the moon or any other star or planet and they will tell you.  They will say my sister is among them right now, spinning, that she’s made of diamonds, and that now and then she can be heard humming a Carpenter’s tune while gliding the ethereal playground.