--WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

…”Life is a bitch.” 

I see that on bumper stickers all the time, but you have to wonder:  Why isn’t it pure bliss just to be alive?

…Yesterday was the best day in a long while.  It’s funny how little it takes to make a day great.  I am grateful for yesterday.  I am entirely grateful for you.

…All those blinks show we have to find what’s important to us.  After all, we only get so many of them.  I am grateful again.

…The truth is, I don’t know what I’m expecting anymore.

…Most people go through life trying to avoid pain and suffering, and while that might seem like a good idea, it’s not always.  Sometimes the pain and suffering teaches us our priorities.

…As unimaginable as it is, I don’t think I’ve yet felt the full extent of my suffering.

…Today’s post was to be something different altogether.  I had it all written up.  I had a partial, personal poem written to my mother on that potential post.  I had other personal things I was going to share.  Then it disappeared.  It’s probably my fault, but I blame it on the new MacBook.  Fucking Mac, you carnivore.

…My mind keeps thinking all of its harsh thoughts.  Sometimes it seems like my mind is not mine.  Does that make me schizophrenic?  Probably.

...Your mind will sneak out of the bushes and ambush you if you’re not careful.  So it’s best to listen, then, for the rattling of the leaves.

…Some kids do stuff that leave their parents shaking their heads, sadly disappointed.  But really, it’s good for a kid to have balls.  It’s a sign they’re going to be all right when they’re older because they have moxie (which is, by the way, one of my favorite words--moxie.).  Kids should have balls, no matter their gender.

…I also wrote lengthy (but bleak) (surprise!) poem that was on said-before erased post.  It had to do with depression and nightfall.  I think it was pretty good.  But, oh well, supposedly, no writing is wasted, even if it disappears.  But damn, Mac, why do you hate me so much?  

…I think it would help if I stopped listening to Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith.  The only music that could make me sadder would be that other Smith, Elliot.  And we all know what—tragically—happened there.

…What a sadist I am. Sadist or monster, which is it?

…”What do you really want?”   Now there’s a really well-asked question.  Thoughtful and provocative.

…The reason I never give up hope is because everything is basically hopeless.  And, also, because without hope, we are all fucked.

…Sometimes my dog makes noises in her sleep and she sounds like Ethel Merman with a towel wrapped around her mouth like a muzzle. It’s kind of cute, but kind of weird.  I wonder what she could possibly be dreaming.  My guess is chasing rabbits or squirrels.

…I can be a catastrophe, but I try to be a polite one.  Like a hurricane which swings off to the seas instead of sideswiping the coastline.

…I’m in pieces.  If you should find one on the ground, let it be.  I have to find my way back by itself.

…When I was a kid, it was like we had dog brains, and whatever was right in front of us was our reality.  But then, not really.  Not when you looked around at the brass tax of the situation and realized you were different, we were different, this is totally wrong.

…I know I can’t be nine years old forever, hiding in a closet, huddled beneath coat sleeves, safe from the sounds of destruction.  And still I am.  Goddamn, still I am.

…I have a stranger who lives five yards from my office.  Really, I do.  It’s a little freaky.  I hear her TV shows, her sneezing, her talking to herself.  She’s like a loud ghost, and ghosts just usually subtly rattle things.  

…I have always been a numbers guy.  Not like, a math guy.  I totally suck at math.  But a goal-setting guy.  I still believe in the importance of goals, but I’m not interested in keeping score anymore on the other stuff.

…The other stuff is the stuff I have to work through.

…Being human can sometimes feel like being discarded, which is why being human is a real stretch for me sometimes.

…You gotta be cruel to be kind…. I never understood that lyric until recently.  But even now, it doesn’t make complete sense.

…I’ve had the same song stuck in my head for two weeks.  That happens frequently with me.  “So I pick up the pieces, get on the midnight train”…. So tragic.

…I’m actually looking forward to today.  I’ll be with young people.  It’ll be an adventure.  I’ll learn things.  I’ll sing a new song and I might even whistle at some point.

…Do you want to talk?

---I’M WALKING ON WIRE

…It’s a quarter after one, I’m a little drunk….

…And sometimes, even late at night, it’s like I have a carwash inside my head, or else a tennis shoe bouncing around in the dryer.

…I didn’t see that coming.  But then people surprise you all the time, and not always in a good way.

…You can spend a lot of needless time doing the arithmetic of adding what damage has been done.

…Nothing can be delicious when you’re holding your breath.  For something to be delicious, you have to be present to savor it, and presence is in attention and the flow of breath.

…I may be lost, but my breath is still fresh, or could be.

…You can change the world with a hot bath, if you sink into it from a place of knowing that you’re worth profound care, even when you’re dirty and rattled.  Who knew?

…I naturally prefer the company of people who hold grudges, as long as they’re not held against me.

…Contrary to popular opinion, all of us are a little weird, but we can also be so lovely that it breaks your heart.

…A heart that’s been broken is a heart that’s been loved.  Anyway, that’s what I’ve heard.

…Sometimes I wake up so early the rabbits are still playing poker.

…Who really knows how much of our stories are true?

…It’s so awful attacking someone you love.  It’s like bitch-slapping E.T.

…Let’s face it, it’s inspiring and such a relief when people find a way to bear the unbearable.  That’s why I’m still working on it.

…For a long time, I had the disease of More.  It’s one of the dumbest diseases ever, all up there in your head, nutty and grabby as hell.

…Once bitten, twice shy.  I ain’t looking again.

…Having a good dog is the closest some of us are ever going to come to knowing the direct love of a mother, or God.

…I’ve been politely angry lots of time.  Now that’s a tight rope to walk.

…This is how we make important changes—barely, poorly and slowly.

…Some things you experience are like having a broken leg, and then that leg heals badly, and you end up limping forever.

…It’s possible to drown in uncried tears.  It is.

…Copernicus had it right, but no one believed him at the time.

…I’ve taken to carrying a mirror around with me everywhere I go so I know I’m still here.  Am I still here?  Let me check.

…I’m standing at the mouth of the river and the current looks a little unruly.

…Sometimes you’re just a coat that gets thrown over a mud puddle so someone can walk over you without getting dirty, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

…I was a vacant alibi.  That’s not a lot of fun.

…Sometimes I feel like a human rain delay that this is going to take a long while to recover from.

…Whip, whip.  Run me a like a race horse, pull me like a ripcord.

…Hey there, Mr. Blue.  We’re so pleased to be with you.  Everybody smiles at you.  Blue—now there’s a color.

…Mr. Blue Sky’s up there waiting.  Where did we go wrong?

…When people miscommunicate, it’s easy to jump to conclusions.  One conclusion might be that the relationship is flawed simply because of the miscommunication, but that’s naïve and taking the easy way out.  Hell, people miscommunicate all the time, people who’ve been together forever.  Miscommunication is part of life.  It is life.  Get over it.

…For several days now, I have had a caterpillar cold sore on my upper lip.  I’m not proud of it.  It’s been pretty gross.  I hope you don’t get cold sores.  I hope you get glide tidings instead.  You’ve got them so many times before.

…Who do you think you are?  No, really, who?  That’s certainly a question to ponder.

…I hope you’re happy with yourself.  That’d be a bold thing, considering.

…Here’s to my future.  Goodbye to yesterday.

--I NEED A SMALL DARK CLOSET WHERE I CAN HUDDLE 


...This is all we ever talk about.

...Just off the center of the center is where most of the precious things are hiding.  Right...about....there.

...It's just that everything feels like it's on the periphery.

...That crocodile's looking at you, baby.  That crocodile is thinking: mmmm.

...One thing is not like the other--so simple, so trite, so true.

...It happens like this, the start that gets too much attention.

..."Fuck you, leave me alone."  This is how fear can sometimes sound.  Or it can be love turned inside out.

...For reasons still unknown, I have the world's ugliest toes.  I do.  Have I confessed this before?  Mine are hideous.  If you were to see them, they might make you gag.  When you are just the least bit of a runner, it's inevitable that your toenails will, at some point, swell up like mini rhinos.  The old and new and bruised blood gets pinched under the nails so that, after some time, they resemble a jagged set tortoise shell teeth.  I suppose a good pedicure is in order, but I'm ticklish there.

...We've talked about this before but your attention may have been elsewhere at the time.

...What makes people good communicators is, in essence, an ability not to be fazed by the more problematic or offbeat aspects of one's own character.

...Were I less afraid of my own mind, I might be able to square up to myself.  I can be a little tricky to be around, after all.

...Things would be better for everyone involved if we all just gave each other the benefit of the doubt instead of rushing to the worst conclusions possible.

...We don't need to be perfectly reasonable in order to have a good relationship, just the occasional capacity to acknowledge that we may, in one or two areas, be somewhat crazy.

...A lack of respect is one of the greatest slights ever--a long blade thrust hard, and deep, with abandon.

...The world disappoints, frustrates and hurts us in countless ways, at every turn.  And almost invariably we can't complain about any of it.  It's too difficult to tease out who may really be at fault, and after all, playing the blame game never solved anything.

...It is, of course, the height of absurdity to rewrite history, to create alternative facts in order to make our position look or feel better.

...Being scared almost always means you care.  And getting pissed--on occasion, for the right reasons, isn't so wrong--it means you give a shit. 

...It was different growing up.  We were poor.  We didn't feel we had anything to lose.  Humility and shame were the cousins I knew best.  Selling produce from our backyard outside of the hardware store, shouting out, "Cucumbers!  Cucumbers!  Ten cents each!" while kids from school strode by snickering--it wasn't even a thing that stuck to you more than a minute or two.

...When someone says, "So what the fuck did you think of that?" you pay attention and answer slowly.

...To love is to enter into the inevitability of one day not being able to protect what is most valuable to you.

...As usual, disasters attract the most attention. 

...It takes a certain strength to cry, more so than cauterizing your wounds.

...It's late and dark and windy and a bug or small bird or stone just slammed into the window in front of me.  At this hour, that can scare the shit out of a person.

....It's no prize if you win and the ticket isn't validated.  An unvalidated ticket--let me tell you, that is no fun.

...This is all it comes down to--we're staring at the same moon, or we will stare at it at some point, maybe even at the exact same time, and we will think similar thoughts, and we will let down our guard and be honest and vulnerable, because, after all, it's the moon we're talking about, and as everyone knows the moon is one of the best, most reliable friends ever.  She's a great secret keeper, if that's what you need.  She has HUGE ears and she's patient if you tend to be long-winded in your story-telling or confessions.  I'm telling you, the moon is something else.  She's always there when you need her.  Especially when the grubby night will not let you sleep.