…I FEEL A LITTLE ACHY TODAY

…Everyone wants to know why I don’t write anymore, and so I give them the same answer I offer up when people ask me questions about God—“I don’t know, yet I still believe.”

…There is a list of questions I want to ask, but never will.

…What’s hardest is living with What If’s.  It’s best not to live that way if you can help it.

…How in the world did we get here?  How did we live through it and how are we still living?  What a story we’ve written.

…I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do this again. At some point, I won’t get another chance.

…I can tell you’re lying because there’s always that little bit of arrogance in the pause of your response.  Admit it, you’re lying.  Here’s my pinkie.  Grab it and curl yours into mine.  I dare you.  

…Are you angry with me?  And would you tell me if you were?  Are you okay?  And would you tell me if you weren’t?

…Is it wrong that I’m asking you all these questions?

…Aren’t we all just looking for answers?  I mean, it seems like we all need a place to go to.

…This morning the dandelions on the lawn are rolling their eyes with a look of disappointment, and that makes me feel lousy.

…They leave and act like it never happened.  They come back and act like they never left.

…Ain’t that America, for you and me?

…A honeybee doesn’t dream of kissing the mouth of a flower, but then just settle for its leaves. Honeybees know what they want and they’ll die trying to get it if they have to.  How I admire the honeybee.

...Why is it that when the story ends, we finally begin to feel all of it?

…”Rise,” said the moon, and the new day came and stood nervously at attention, waiting for you to dress it, to adorn it somehow.

…A good practice is to notice everything you don’t have, and to then decide you’re perfect nonetheless.

…Now that the water has made its exit, the potholes grin with their hollowed-out jowls.  Driving over each one, I realize the rain wasn’t all that bad after all.  And isn’t that a metaphor for life?

…Depression is a shallow thing living inside of me.  It takes more than a village to fling it aside.  Sometimes an exorcism is required.

…I used to dream that I was so strong, nothing could shake me.  But now I rarely remember my dreams.

…Yesterday when I woke up the flowers beheaded themselves and carried on laughing anyway.

…A lot of times we are angry at other people for not doing what we should have done ourselves.

…I have so many questions for God.  I guess we all do.  In the top five for me is: Why did you leave me unfinished?

…If it all ends the same, a loss is a loss is a loss.

…Do I sound sad?  I’m actually not.  I’m just being introspective.  At least that’s what I’m currently telling myself.

…I hear a thousand kind words about me and it makes no difference.  I hear one insult and all confidence shatters.

…Call the electrician.  My eyes won’t light up anymore.  Call the plumber.  I’m having trouble draining.

…Gutted like a fish.  Scraped clean like a cantaloupe.  That’s no way to feel.

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…But today the sun is flirting.  Normally, I’m not a fan of those who wink, but I’ll get over it right now.  Wink all you want.  I’m smiling.  You feel good on my skin, like an electric blanket turned up a little too high.  There’s hardly any sting at all.

--YOU'RE EVERYWHERE, EXCEPT HERE, AND THAT HURTS.

…This would all be different if I hadn’t learned to stop running, to stop fleeing without first trying to understand.

…For sure, one thing I have on my side is fear, and that’s not such a bad thing.

…”But,” you say.  “But,” is the worst contraction ever.  It negates everything said before it.

…I used to think I was doing God all wrong and therefore couldn’t believe in God because I hadn’t gotten the shtick down right.  It took me a while to realize God doesn’t give a shit about shtick, yours or anyone else’s.

…”I don’t know,” is often the only explanation we can give for the existence of God.

…I could take the abuse.  But I could not take the absence.

…It’s funny how you’d never be able to recognize yourself, that look on your face, when you’re about to hand it to them.  As if it’s not you with a temper and a muddy mission.

…Watching the ice skating couples on the Olympics reminds me of how otters hold hands while sleeping so they don’t stray apart.  Sometimes the skaters are literally joined at the hip.  It’s poetic and breathtaking to watch.  Dancing on the ice...

…Sometimes when blind people get unblind, it makes their friends unhappy.

…Seven billion people are right now all trembling just to feel happy, to feel needed and loved.

…But maybe we’re all looking at it wrong.  Perhaps the jagged snowflake shingles falling outside are enough.  Maybe it’s as simple as that.

…True story--two thirds of all people in the world have never seen snow.  

...It’s presently snowing outside my window.  One inch.  Close to two, now.  Even in the darkness of night, it’s one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen.

…Really good friends are hard to come by.  I mean, really hard to come by.  Best not let them go.  Ever.

…Seahorses are pretty darn cute.  Right?  Not only that, they’re the only fish that swims upright.

…I’ve had metaphorical knives plunged into me many times.  Who hasn’t?  It happens all the time, yet it still hurts.

…Tell me, is there anything I can do to make you believe that the fears you hold about me are silly, irrational and unfounded?

…It’s important I know this.

…Few things are more selfless than when a person (or persons) makes a conspiracy of grace happen.

…A lot of people are anti Valentine’s Day supporters, same as, (but in a different way) that others are anti Mother’s or Father’s Day supporters.  I get their reasoning, but I don’t agree with it.  Sometimes a line drawn in the sand—a demarcation, denoting a specific time to reflect upon a specific emotion—seems like a good idea, if not even necessary.  But that’s just my opinion.

…I’m full of opinions.  Just ask anyone who knows me well.  I’m full of a lot of things...

…We all have too many miracles happening inside us to simply be a convenient option.

…It seems to me that our lack of knowing is the beginning of our humility.  It seems to me that not-knowing is the root of faith and therefore the necessary glue that keeps people together, alive, and robust.

…Time and silence have this thing they do together.  They make a chasm that has no bottom to it.  And there you are, standing right on the edge of it.  Aware that at any moment you may be falling and falling and falling, with no hope of recovery.

…The good thing about waking up at 4am is you can polish off a couple of really good books before most people are awake.

…Today’s another one of those days.  That day.  Yep.  Eee.  Oh, boy.  Yep.

…Mr. Kuntz?  Mr.  Kuntz, hello?  Why are you not sleeping?

--YOU ARE SOMETHING ELSE

…I’d like to be the kind of person who can meditate.

…I like people who openly admit their notoriousness—people who unabashedly confess they are hopelessly flawed.  Those kinds of people remind me of someone I know.

…Disorderly, sloppy and chaotic aren’t always signs that things are headed south.  Sometimes it means they’re going north, but just taking a little longer.

…When I allow myself to open up to the feeling of gratitude, it typically washes over me and I end up wishing I did it more often.

…Practically speaking, pretending is efficient, uncomplicated and quick.  But pretending is the grease of most relationships.  We don’t really want to be who we really are, or at least we don’t want other people to see all sides of ourselves.

…The truth is, most of us are a mess in one way or another.  None of us are who we appear to be.  We all have secrets.  We all have issues.

…It breaks my heart and I don’t understand why no one is doing anything about this--One third of Brazil’s 150 million residents are under fourteen years of age.  Twenty-five million children live in desperate poverty.  Eight million of those are abandoned and of those, thirty-five percent of these will die before they reach the age of eighteen.

…The world’s not getting smaller, there’s just less in it.

…Even though it’s mid-winter, I often think I hear the flowers giggling outside while the bees get jealous.

…Come at me with some jelly bro.  (Inside joke.)

...The bricks will grow tired of waiting and crumble.  The cranes will droop their necks in sorrow.  The shovels will rust.  But I’ll still be here.

…The hummingbirds tell me you’re in a contemplative mood.  I told them to tell you that’s fine by me so long as you’re thinking good things.

…People are amazing.  That’s one thing I’m certain of.

…I want to be a good person.  I don’t want to fail.  I want to learn from my mistakes.  Most of the time, however, I feel like I’m running into the arms of my own clutteredness.

…Here I am, the top side of fifty, and I fail on a regular basis.  I guess that’s one way of growing.

…Take a breather, Superman.

…Unfortunately, eulogies are delivered by people who know the deceased.

…We are where we are now in the mess of our lives, the tangledness and unfixedness.  Isn’t that wonderful?

…If you write a poem, run your fingers under cold water for two minutes with your eyes closed.

…Sometimes the writing just doesn’t work, doesn’t connect.  It just lies there in a pile while I desperately try to resuscitate it.

…Desperate is a strong word.  That’s why I like it.

…Dude, it’s hard to ignore all this beauty.  I don’t know why I do it.

…I’m learning that there’s a myth of fixing one’s self.  There’s no silver bullet, that one big fix.  It’s one foot up, then down.  Next foot up, then down.

…Sometimes you have to be a little lost to find a place that can’t be found.  

…”Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.   It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  You’re playing small doesn’t serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” –Nelson Mandela

…Dear God,

Just so you know, I’m doing the best I can. 
Thank you for your patience.

--IF YOU WANT TO JOIN ME, I’LL BE DANCING IN THE DARK

…First things first--I’m going to say all the words inside my head.

  

…My dad would have been 81 years old this month.  I hope he’s resting comfortably, but knowing him, he’s probably out in the yard fixing God’s broke down trucks.

…After my dad died there was an enormous mess to clean up.  Dad was a hoarder, big time.  Some of the things he collected were all those Nordstrom gift cards I’d sent him over the years, for Christmas or on his birthday.  I wish he would have used them.  I wish he would have splurged and got himself something nice.

…Bit by bit, snip by snip, I’m cutting through the cathartic jugular.  But it’s my own stuff, so it’s okay.  

…I like the feel of the wind—in my hair, on my face.  It’s kind of sensuous.   I even like the kind of rough wind that throws me off balance.  It reminds me that I'm still alive. 

…Second thing second--I keep on running fast just to catch up to myself.

…Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

…Don’t throw my name around like that.  You could get into some kind of trouble.

…Kids were laughing in my classes while I was scheming for the masses.

…What I’ve come to realize is you have to let that shit go.  That tension in your shoulders. 

…Someone’s been hammering next door all day and Pete the eagle just flew by, but the rain still won’t give up.  Seems like everyone’s got a mission before the weekend.

…Everyone is their own hurricane, their own silent movie.  We're all filling out our diaries, sentence by sentence.

…The other night someone told me to never underestimate the power of loneliness.  They didn’t know me very well.

…Saying you’re happy out loud makes it more real.  Here, I’ll try it.  “...I’m happy…”  Can you hear me?

…Sometimes happiness feels superstitious.

…Everybody wants to be wanted but not everybody wants to be needed.  That can be a huge difference.

…My body is always a little sore, as if it’s yearning for something, as if it’s missing its other half.

…What we worship and bury is a sweet and sour soup, tangy and unfinished.

…There’s never a good time to admit this, but sometimes there’s just no explosiveness to my game, no rhythm and blues.

…I’ve been a saint.  I’ve been the truth.  I’ve been the lie.

…It’s not always wise to assess your damage.  Sometimes it’s best to just be a duck, let that water roll right off.

…You’re the little girl who made my life somersault.

…Actually, I love the girl that loves the dog.

…Every year, on my saddest day, I look to the sky to make sure the sun’s still there.

…Can I be really honest?  You take my words away.

…Last things last—today is going to be a day unlike any other day.

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