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--YOU ARE MY MOST RECENT MEMORY

The Weight of Ruin

She didn’t like it

When he kissed her

Kept her mouth gated

Hiding teeth and tongue

In the reflection her eyes wide

But bored like a stuffed owl

Collecting dust in a stale barroom

The old grandfather clock coughed

And stared at them with great

Disappointment and distaste

Another couple kicked to the curb

When the kids returned from the game

All four sat in the living room

Munching buttered popcorn

Some fixated on their phones

Others on the weight of ruin

White Space Days

There was a time when

White space welcomed me

Everything too easy

Music writing itself

No thesaurus needed

Now it’s hard labor

And second guesses

I’m that eagle hoovering

In the sky unsure where

The prey is below

Starving and desperate

  

Dancing With Books

All the books I own are

Up and dancing around me

It’s the Tower of Babel only with paper

Who knew books could be so jovial

So graced with rhythm and balance

That poetry could do the Charleston

And Samba the Blitzkrieg Bop

I get up and start moving

Can’t quite call it dancing

White men can’t jump and

That sort of thing

But I’ve got it in me now

The music spilling from those words

Sentences swaying in a close embrace

When my daughter finds us

She looks like she’s 
Caught me masturbating

Asks if I can at least t
Turn the music down

Then heads down the hall

To her own room

--WE COULDN’T GET ANY CLOSER IF WE TRIED

Dear God,

I understand you’re as mysterious as hell, but couldn’t you, just once in a while, be a bit more blatant about things, you know, just to help us stooges figure things out?

Dear God,

You’ve probably never felt foolish, but I do, a lot of the times. Can you help me out with that?

Dear God,

I hate the tendency I have to always ask you for things, for great favors, as if you’re some rich, benevolent uncle I have.  But you did say to ask, and maybe that’s why I do.  After all, you shouldn’t say something if you don’t really mean it.

Dear God,

Do you ever get bored?  With all the shit going on, and lame people like me leaning on you all the time, I’m guessing not.  But do you ever?  Come on, you can tell me.  I’m the best secret-keeper ever.

Dear God,

I vividly remember the night I told you I hated you.  I asked you for something and you were not in the gift-giving mood right then, apparently.  I was moving away from my first love and you let that happen, though I asked you not to.  Of course, I was fourteen at the time, stupid as hell.  So, I just want to go on record and say I’m sorry for saying I hate you, God.  I hope you’ll accept my apology.

Dear God,

You’ve done a lot of amazing things, but I think Jesus is the most amazing thing you thought up, though I know you didn’t think him up.  Still, good job, God.

Dear God,

Thank you for creating elephants and giraffes and deer and butterflies.  They’re really wonderful.  And thank you for Lucy.  Thank you, a lot, for Lucy.

Dear God,

When I worked at the church—no maybe, before that—the pastor said (when I was still a Doubting Thomas), “Ask God for a miracle.  Any miracle at all.  If he doesn’t answer it, then don’t believe.”

Since then I’ve gotten better at asking for things.  I hope it hasn’t been too much.

Dear God,

I know if everyone believed things would be way better off.  Just thought I’d let you know that.  And by the way, you’re doing a good job, despite the Twitter feeds.

Dear God,

No offense or anything, but we here on planet earth could use an updated version of what heaven looks like.  Streets paved with gold doesn’t exactly cut it.  They have those at the Microsoft campus.

Dear God,

Did you not like being a child?  (I didn’t either.)  There’s hardly any record of you as a kid and where there is, well, you’re actually kind of a wise-ass.  (just, sayin’.)

Dear God,

You must laugh a lot.  Like when sports teams pray to you for them to have your grace so they can get victory.  Isn’t that just the dumbest shit ever?

Dear God,

I like to swear.  I hope you can overlook that.  I hope you can overlook a lot of my flaws.

--I MUST BE SEEING BLIND

…The sun can’t stop the storm from coming and the tree can’t stop the axe.

…When the world comes crashing at your feet, it’s okay to let others help you pick up the pieces.  If we are present to take part in your happiness when your circumstances are great, we are more than capable of sharing your pain.

…I am becoming more bone and less skin.

…The irony of loneliness is we all feel it at the same time.

…If you’re a reader, you’re never really alone.

…We have been dying since we got here and forgot to enjoy the view.

…“No” was a bad word in my home.  I heard “No” pounding her fist on the roof of my mouth begging to let her out, so I put up the exit sign and built an imaginary staircase.

…I gave blood yesterday.  I really hate giving blood and never watch when they jab the needle in or as the blood is being drawn.  But I did learn something while doing it yesterday--apparently, I have really tiny veins.

…After you left last night, I could not sleep, so I went outside early this morning and moved the fence.

…They say you can’t win ‘em all, but why not?

…The heart cannot always remain silent.  Sometimes the longings which live there force their way into our voices.

…I’ve learned that some things are too powerful for a person like me.

…I have one hundred gifts of imperfections and they let me know it often.  That’s why I can really take a punch.

…Sometimes when I take a look in the mirror, the news isn’t good.

…Discussing a problem in the presence of a problem is probably not something a lot of people do, but it seems like a good idea.

…I think it’s all right to allow yourself a couple of bays, now and then.  But just a couple.

…Stop worrying.  You’re okay.  You can play Scrabble and that means you’re capable of concentrating.  You can spell.

…I have already unscrewed my front door off its frame, opened all the windows even though it’s freezing.  If I can survive, you can, too.

…Keep moving.  Everything will fall into place.  It usually does.

…Dear God,

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I think about you sometimes even when I’m not praying.