--IF I COULD ONLY TELL YOU

                                     A Girl Is A Half-formed Thing

She looked inside the well of me, way down into the gray, gulley of my throat, and said, You know, a girl is a half-formed thing.

She said, Even from way up here, I can smell the sins of your uncles and cousins.  They’re still hideous, but they taste like stale cinnamon, once spiced and threatening, neutered now by age, but not forgotten.

She said, I could read your palm, it would be easier, right, but this is more interesting, don’t you think?  I mean, look at how your tonsil bell wobbles, so nervous to have me this close.

Chuckling, she ran a jagged fingernail down the length of my jugular and tapped out some kind of code, piercing tufts of skin.

She said, You used to dream big.  You used to notice cloud shapes and the way a sprig of lavender can cleanse any pallet, if its freshly picked.  She said, You used to laugh a whole lot more.

She shifted a bit, owning my eyes now--instead of the endless cavern that is my mouth--clamping them inside a crescent wrench.

She said, A girl is a half-formed thing because she’s just learning whom to trust, which isn’t at all easy, since many of the monsters scream gibberish while their claws are busy shredding skin, and snapping bones.

When I tried to reply, she slammed my jaw shut like a well-oiled dresser drawer.

She said, Listen to me.  She said, A girl is a half-formed thing, but I’m counting on you to find the other half, deliver it to me whole, and explain how one piece fits into the other, and why they even should.

--I BET YOU CAN TELL I’M HAVING A LOT OF DIFFICULTY

…Yesterday, three deer sauntered out onto the front lawn and traipsed around in the edge of the lake.  They hung around for quite a while, so serene and aware.  It was a beautiful sight.  I wish you could have seen them.

…In a way, choosing the people we want in our life is the closest we ever come to controlling our own destiny.

…How do you measure a year in the life?  I listened to the Rent soundtrack while running on the treadmill.  Hadn’t heard it in a while.  Rent and Les Miserables always give me chills.

…I didn’t know what to do with it—hide it, store it, run from it, let it slice me some more—so I put all that pain into my writing.

…You’re always going to fly away, because you can.  That’s what the other birds told me.

…I feel the pains of my father in my soul, and the sins of my mother who will not let me go.

…There’s a lot more to the ending of a story besides the ending of a story.  And sometimes the story doesn’t ever actually end.

…Being a parent, or a lover, means you have to set yourself aside, and that’s how it should be.

…It’s possible to feel very scared and safe all at the same time.  When I realized that, is when I stopped hating the people who were supposed to love me, but didn’t.

…That’s the story of my life—always searching for what is truly right.

…I don’t want to be the reason for your sadness, and so I stay here, silent, while you’re there, living.

…Maybe we should bask in the glory of our problems.  Jump in the bird bath of all our difficulties and splash around, get each other soaking wet.

…Some people play for the power.  Some people live for the fortune.

…This is how we stay alive, I said to the dog.  We stay together.  We remind each other to breathe.

…I listened to my ear this morning and it said, “You are really something else.  Go for it.”

…I will go down bleeding if that’s what it takes to make you see me as I really am.

…I won’t say a word.  They’ve all been said before.  Instead, I’ll touch you there.  I’ll write everything with an inaudible whisper on your back until your skin puckers and your pulse races.  And what’s weird about all this is it has nothing to do with sex.

…And all I remember is your back, what it looked like as you walked out that door.

…But in your dreams, whatever they may be, dream a little dream of me.

…Please take the words away.  Carry them to someone in need of a song.

…Don’t worry about me, I’ve just got a little sand in my eyes is all, but I’ll take that hug now.